Can't Fix it.
I sit here in tears as I think of my 4 beautiful children and how they hurt and miss their Dad. I'm their mother and I wish with all my heart that I could fix this situation.
I think of my little girl and how she was so close to her Dad, sitting by him holding his hand, talking and laughing at his corny comments. Talking about how he would do her wedding and all the things that the future held for them. I would just watch and smile. I wish I could give that back to her, I cry because I can't.
I think of Joel, the baseball and hockey, the jokes and laughs that he shared with his Dad. Now there is silence, I'm sorry for that.
Josiah misses Daddy's Big Hugs! "No one in this world gives them like Daddy." Where are those hugs, he needs them when he is overwhelmed and frustrated. I give hugs but not like Daddy, I miss those hugs too. I'm sorry, he hurts.
Jeremiah, in the teen years, missing Dad's guidance, Dad's funny jokes. I wish that he could have the rest of his years with Dad. The good times and the hard times. Daddy's not coming home and I am so sorry. I wish I could fix it.
I have been able to fix a lot of things but this one thing I can not fix. I just cry and cry and pray each day for the 4 wonderful gifts that Tim left me. I do my best to love them and be there for them. I feel the loss and the pain and wish with all my heart that they didn't have to go through this but we have to. I pray and God comforts and gives us courage to go on.
The YFC banquet was on Sat. and it was so hard. YFC was Tim's very heart beat. I could see it and feel it. Cecile, staff and board members did an awesome job. It was a wonderful banquet, even though I cried through most of it. I missed Tim. He wasn't there and it felt so odd. He's been there for 20yrs. and now? How could he not be there? It is hard to accept that. I try to console myself by remembering that he sees us from heaven.
I know that he was very happy in how the banquet went. Thank you to Everyone that help, Bless You!!
Thank you for your continued love, prayers and support. May God bless you all.
In His Arms, Esther
posted by tim...miss you @ 2:45 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Sweet Esther!
...I'm so sorry you have to go through all this pain...the only thing that will "fix it" is TIME...TIME is different for each person. There are alot of "firsts" for you. After that comes "seconds" then maybe things get easier...it's ok to cry & feel the way you do...I wish things were different too.
stay close to His Heart.
S.C.
hi mommy, i am soo greatful to have you. it's ok mom, it isnt your burden to carry, love is all we need and you give that to us in abundance, thinking about the daddy things make us happy and also sad. but it's ok, your love reasures us all that we are going to be ok. you do not need to feel sorry, nothing is or was your fault. I beleive that god had more things for daddy on this earth, but thats what we are here for. ultimately arent we all here for the same reason? saving lives, and giving hope to the hopeless throught jesus is what life is all about(ok and snowboarding)ehehh)
mom I LOVE YOU SOO MUCH, i am soo glad god gave us you.
Thank you for always being there for us.
Your an amazing person, Never feel the weight on your shoulders for Tim being taken away and your kids missing things that they shouldn't through the years. It's not fair for you to carry this burden. I think Tim would be really sad over that. Your an amazingly strong lady. Your thoughts have to think positive, look at all the great things that Tim brought into your kids world, what he taught them and he was such a great dad that your kids have awesome memories of there dad.
Some kids live all there lives with having a dad in the house hold but never really have a dad. Your kids did and you should be so happy and proud for that. That is so special.Pain is so hard, but though out life you deal with pain and it heals, the tears will dry up.
The lord will give you strength and tears are all a healing process. It doesn't matter how many times you cry, it doesn't make you weak, it actual show's the power of yours and Tims love. Incrediable I say!
If anything ever happens to my husband I hope I am strong just like you.
I find you a truely amazing person.
My prayers with you always.
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