Keeping Busy

Hello Everyone! It's been a while since I blogged. We've been a pretty busy around here. Our trip to Washington was great. As usual Hannah spoiled us rotten, looking after us and feeding us great food. Took the boys "back to school" shopping and found some great clothes and deals. We had an awesome time together! Josiah drove all the way back, on the big freeways, through rain and traffic jams! He was incredible!! He is now an expert "standard" driver, can even get it going when he's on an incline!
We got home Tues. evening and started our rearranging, decluttering, downsizing, and simplifying the house. Thankfully Pastor Wes and Jan are letting us use there storage space because I don't want to deal with our "stuff" right now, things of Tim's, alot of sentimental value but I just don't need the stuff. It was hard and found myself in tears quite often, but I know that I needed to get it done. I will be in a better emotional state next summer so I will deal with, what to do with the "stuff". Thanks pastor Wes and Jan, bless you!
Josiah and I leave for Kelowna tomorrow, we'll be packing up the van and taking his stuff down, get him settled, buy the things he still needs, give hugs {and cry} and then I will go visit my friend Donna for a day before coming back home.
I start work on Tues., then have to get scheduled for respite and get my boarder settled in. Not to mention trying to finishing organizing the house. It is a disaster right now, but it always looks worse before it gets better! Right?!
Joel leaves for Victoria tomorrow, he's been home for a couple of weeks, visiting friends and having some fun. He's been helping us clean things up too, so nice to have him home.
Well, got to keep cleaning, organizing and packing. Blessings to you all! Esther

Tidying up

Hello, We've been home for a week now and actually got a number of things accomplished. Jeremiah has moved his room from upstairs to downstairs to Geans old room. Gean moved out this past week, so we cleaned up his room and Jerm is now in it. Gean is at Al and Elaines for now and has to decide where he wants to live by Sept. He has two options and they both are good, he's having a tough time deciding though, so pray that he makes the right choice.
Joel has been home all week and will leave tomorrow by noon, as usual we will miss him. He did some yard work for me and helped with sorting stuff from the shed. It's always so nice to have him home, I wish he could live here again but he needs to spread his wings and I don't want to stop him. He's doing good down in Victoria and I am so thankful that he will have a job when he gets there.
Josiah turned 17 on Sun. Aug. 12. We really didn't do much, just had a little dinner at home with Rae, Joel, Jos, Jerm and I. He didn't even care whether he had a cake. He's like Tim that way, he doesn't want a big deal made of himself, just being together was good.
Jos and I finally cleaned out the shed. Originally, Tim had asked Jos to help him, he said that he would sit outside on his wheelchair and Jos haul stuff out and Tim would tell him what to do with each item. On Tues. we started. It was very difficult because it was all Tim. I could barely talk for the tears and pain that were choking me. There is the fishing stuff, fly rods, casting rods and our ice fishing rods and gear, memories of all the fun we've had. He always took care of our rods, well, especially the girls. Rae went fishing with him more than any of us, she was Dad's fishing partner. He always made sure her shrimp were on right and everything was taken care of. When we went ice fishing, he drilled all the holes for us, made sure we were all set up with our gear and we had what we needed. He then would take care of himself. I hated killing the fish so of course he would come over and have to kill them for me, he was always so patient with us. I went fishing with him, once, and I sang the whole time, he never said anything and we never even got a bite. Later than evening when I said," we never even got a bite," he just commented that it's better to be quiet when fishing, oops!
Then there was all the camping gear, he made sure we had proper tents, stoves, heating lamps(in case some evenings were too cool) and all the other stuff that made camping fun. Sports stuff, baseball, golfing, skates, badminton, it's all Tim. I couldn't hold back the tears anymore and then they really started to flow when I saw his skis and boots. So, many memories of the love and fun we have shared with each other and the kids and he's not here anymore to take care of us and have fun. We miss him! Everything in the shed is Tim, some yard sale stuff, stuff he picked up that he thought other people could use. He was always thinking about others,"he would say, "you never know someone might need this."He was always so thoughtful and kind, this is why we have so much stuff in the shed, but it's okay, I will find homes for all of it in due time. Today Dad and Mom came over, I asked Dad to help me sort out all the fishing stuff. In a matter of time we were all crying, just remembering that this was a part of our Timmy. We eventually got it sorted, so that part is done and we are all planning to go ice fishing at Christmas holidays, like we always have, every year(except last year because Tim was too sick, apparently him and Rae talked about it but he just got too sick). We will go this year, as Rae put it, "In Memory of Daddy." We are so blessed to have had such an incredible man in our lives!!
There isn't too much left to do, I should be able to finish sorting tomorrow and then, it will be time to sort the house. I'm starting to get ready for back to work and school for the boys. I will be taking Jos to Kelowna on the 28th.
Rae is doing well at work. She loves her job and they love her down there, they are so good to her and I am so thankful for that.She also has a horse that she rides almost every day, this is very theraputic for her. At this time we do need things that we can enjoy so we don't get overwhelmed with sadness.
Well, thank you for checking in and thank you for your continued prayers, may God bless you all in a special way.
In His Grip, Esther

Thoughtful Day

Well, we all made it home safely. I went to Washington just for a quick 5 days. On the way home I stopped at Tim Hortons in Abbotsford to use the washroom, when I came out there was the Mexico team!! It was so nice to see them all and give my 2 little boys big hugs! I sure missed those 2. They rode home with me, it was really nice to visit with them and hear about the trip. The house they built was dedicated to Tim, Jos and Jerm persented the keys to the family, they said that it was very emotional and hard to hold back the tears. I am so glad that they did this in Tim's memory, it was his very heart. He loved to go each year and love the people and reach out to them in this practical way.
It's hard being home again because this is where most of our memories are. I just don't know why but I seemed to spend alot of my days in tears. I was looking for a card in my trunk and I found a gift I had put in there for Tim for this Fathers Day. I had bought a white T-Shirt that said, "Best Dad, Hands Down!" and paints with it so the kids could put there hand prints on it. I was going to give it to him this Fathers Day but we didn't quite get there, he died 2 weeks before Fathers Day. I really miss him, alot!! Who's going to love me like he did?? I don't get the hugs anymore and the conversation is gone. I just wish I could hug him right now, I just want to tell him that I love him tons and he meant the world to me. Today, I just don't want to carry on, I need my little buddy and I really miss him!I have decisions to make and I wish I could just talk it over with him, pray about it together and wait for the answer. I miss his laugh and his corny jokes. Today I am wondering if I will ever stop missing him. I can't seem to turn off the tears. I know that they are part of the healing, I'm going to be okay. I have a CD on that Tim and I listened to alot the last month of his life. He would just lay there and quietly listen, I knew he was worshipping. He was in the presence of God and then one day he really did go into God's presence, where he is still worshipping and rejoicing.
I better go, can't stop the tears. Just had to touch base and let you all know that we are all home safe and sound. Joel is home for a few days. Right now all 4 kids have gone out, maybe that's why I am more emotional. I am blessed to have 4 wonderful children and they all love each other so much, I always see it when they are around each other. I thank God for this gift of love that we all have for each other. I am also thankful for the love that each one of you have shown us. May God bless you all for that!
IN HIS ARMS, Esther

On the road again!

Hello everyone,
I arrived home safe and sound with my 1998 VW Golf on Mon. evening. It drove very well and I got incredible gas mileage! I got it inspected because you can't insure it until it is. They spent 2hrs. or more inspecting it, they must have used a fine toothe comb!! Anyways, it did not pass inspection, the upper strut plates were worn out. I got them replaced, so now I have to go back to get the okay. Then, I can insure it and I will be on my way to Washington to visit Hanna and Leeland. I am looking forward to spending sometime with them and going to their church, it is so alive and moving in the spirit of God! After a few days I will be going to visit in Ephrata, to visit friends and sisters. Rachelle will be getting home on Sun. and Joel will be here Tues. and the Boys and I will be home Thurs. It will be so nice to be all together again!! We hope to go out to some lake.
Mom and Dad are doing good, the garden they put here is fantastic, I had a feed of beet tops (I made a salad). Of course it is difficult for them, I can't even imagine, I don't want to imagine, what it would feel like to loose a child. I know how much I miss Tim but how much more do they ache. We are thankful that we have the Lord to comfort us. He constantly reminds me that Tim is rejoicing in his presence. This really helps me. Sometimes I am crying and I think of the joy Tim brought me, I think of something he has said or done that was so funny and then I smile with tears. I can't help myself, were talking Tim Wade, the little guy that always could make us laugh, that could always find something good in everything. He could even get me to smile when I was furious with him, I didn't think that was fair, since I really was mad at him and I wanted to stay that way for a while. Well, it sure makes me realize even more that Joy is what we need to bring each other. Forgive one another, reach out and love, because in the scope of things, it really isn't worth being upset, it actually shortens your day. So, if you want to be happy go do something silly and make someone laugh or at least try to get them to crack a smile!! This is what Tim use to do. Seriously, he would tell me that someone looked up happy, sad or grouchy and he would tell me that he was going to go over there and see if he could make them smile. Sometimes it was a big challenge but he was up to it! Then he'd say,"it was a tough one, but they cracked a smile." What a crazy guy!! Just think, if we all made a point of doing that this world and our lives would always be a happy place to be. Truly Tim had the joy of the Lord and I want to carry that torch and I want to challenge you to do the same. Of course that involves, "laying down your life for your friends." Take your focus off you, look to the needs of others and before you know it your feeling better and your problems become smaller. Tim sure left me with tons of memories and a truly incredible Godly example of how I should live, Thank you Timmy, I love you and I miss you!! I miss not being able to share my joys and concerns,I miss not being able to cuddle him at night and reaching for him in the morning. I miss his great hugs and slobbery kisses,but I will be okay.
I was going thru his busy drawer and right on top was a plastic shoppers drug mart bag and in it was my anniversary card for this year. He was thinking about me as usual, I cried for a long time. It said, "for my wife on our anniversary. I want you to know that I love you for being the best wife any man could hope for."Now I am crying again. He was planning ahead. He didn't quite make it, he passed away 2 wks before our 26th. ann. What a sweet heart, what a thoughtful sweet little person and he's my husband! Did you know that he was crazy about me. He loved me more than I can imagine. I was spoiled, cared for and dearly loved, I didn't really deserve it, I was such a challenge to him.He lived the character of God! That's what I am going to do too!!
Blessings to you all!! Thank you for your love and comments!
Praising God for His love and goodness! Esther