Sunday Sharing

Thanks for the comments, they blessed me! It is an emotional week and it will probably be like this for a while. The tears just come as I think of or see different things that belonged to Tim. I try not to break down in public because I don't want to be sobbing so I do it at home, in the van or at church during worship so I'm not too loud. Today in church was hard, I couldn't even stay to watch the video about the Mexico trip. They dedicated the house to Tim, it was incredibly special, Pastor Corwin and Todd are amazing! I only watched part of it from the foyer then I went to the van to cry,( it's all good though because tears do bring healing). Tim loved Mexico, he loved the people that went on the trip and he loved serving by building and sharing Jesus with the family that got the house. He use to do all the video taping, I'm glad for that because we can watch it, hear his voice, hear the joy that he had in what he did.

I've been working on alot of paper work, changing over everything from "our" names to mine, this has been so hard because reality is starting to set in that my little sweetheart is not coming home and I have to go on alone. I opened his wallet and there was his drivers license, his happy face looking at me, I cried and kissed his face, I sure miss him(I'm sorry that I'm so sobby but I know you all care and understand, even some of you have gone through this and can understand, thanks). Yesterday, I found his t-shirt on the drier I buried my face in it and cried and cried, I wish he were in it so I could get a hug and snuggle. He was such a cuddler and a smoocher!! I use to call him, the kissing phantom, always had to have a kiss!! I am glad he was that way because I got lots of hugs and kisses and lots of words of encouragement. I miss all that, I miss him. I've been deciding what to do with the vehicles and house stuff and so many times I thought to talk to him, then, I realized he wasn't there. I do know that Jesus is there and He is carrying me. I feel an emptyness, it hurts, it aches. I know that time heals, I know that Jesus heals, I know that I will have all the precious memories without all the pain, one day I will. I know that each of you that read this blog are praying for us, love us and care and for that I am so thankful, may God bless you all. I even know that some of you weep as I do, we cry together because we miss the little guy, thanks. Keep my babies in your prayers, my little girl is such a Dad's girl, I know that she is hurting alot. Joel wants to call Dad and talk about baseball, jobs and finances but he can't. He has been really depressed, he doesn't have a job yet, but does want to go to school in the fall. He has been sitting at home, I encouraged him to force himself to get out, go make plans for school, he said he would. I will check up on him tomorrow evening. Josiah is, at this moment(because I'm crying), playing the piano. He use to do that for his Dad to bless him because Tim use to love hearing him play, it brought him peace and joy. I am so thankful how things have worked out for him to live in Kelowna, I know that he will get alot of love and support there. Jeremiah remains quiet and stays close at home. When we are alone he talks more and I try to talk about Tim alot. I can see the pain in his eyes, I pray that he will not hold it in. He is getting tall, Tim use to say that he would be the tallest, I think that he is right!

We have been invited out to Tyee Lake this week. Marilyn Wheeler said to come out anytime, so we decided that we will go out Tues. The boys can stay out there all week, I will have to come in for some appointments, thankfully it is only 1/2hr. out of town. Mom and Dad Wade will go out on Thurs. It's so beautiful out there. I am looking forward to it, the gentleness of the water and the fresh air. I like going to sleep with the window open, especially when there is a bit of a breeze, you can hear the water lapping against the shore, it helps me fall asleep. I like having a fire outside, hearing the water and looking up at the stary sky. Yes, it will be good for us to get out there. It will be nice to jump in and cool off too!! I hope we can fish out there because would like to do some fishing.

Before I sign off, if anyone knows of anyone going from Williams Lake to PG or Dawson Creek, I need a ride. I have to go to Grande Prairie to pick up a car. So, please let me know, thanks!

Well, friends, thanks, and God bless you all!! I know that God loves us and He walks with us. Death is part of life, it's only for a moment and then we will all be united, so I try to remind myself of that, it helps the healing. I know that my Timmy is looking down at me and he is saying,"you'll be here in a moment too." I just wish our moments were shorter, hehehe! In His time He makes all things beautiful! "a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance," Eccl. 3:4. Sending Love and appreciating all the wonderful people out there in blog land!! Esther