Birthday and Dad

My last blog was 2 days before my birthday, so that was 10 days ago. There's been alot happening since then.

My birthday was happy sad, good hard, still blessed because I know that I am loved! When I got home from work, I walked into the house and found flowers!! Every birthday for 26 yrs. Tim has always brought me flowers, along with lots of love, hugs and kisses! My children made sure that the tradition of love was continued.

I saw the flowers and then I saw Josiah coming up the stairs, he had driven home from Kelowna to give me roses and bring the gift from all 4 children. I cried when I saw him and he gave me a BIG hug! Joel had sent a bouquet of flowers, stargazer lilies, because they were Tim's favorite and roses because I love them, I cried again. Rae, gave me a painting with roses, to always remember how Daddy always gave me roses, I cried again. I am so blessed to have such thoughtful loving children!!

I cried because I miss Tim. He was always the biggest part of my birthday, from the first kiss in the morning to the last kiss at night. I was Queen for the day!! I missed him, I cried myself to sleep that night, but I am okay because I know that tears are healing.

It really was a good day. I got a dozen yellow roses from my big sister Marlene. I had 3 of my special friends take me out for lunch and gave me precious and thoughful gifts. My Mom and Dad gave me an awesome card and gift. Rae and her boyfriend gave me a special gift and so did the Linde's and my faithful friends the Meads, had a special card and thoughtful gifts! Thanks to you all. Thanks to all of you that were praying for me on this day and thinking about me. Thanks to all the Happy Birthday wishes I got on facebook. I pray blessings on all these people, it made my day special, I know that Tim was smiling down on all of you for blessing his wife!! So, you see it was a happy sad day, but I am blessed.

I ask for your prayers. Dad had a heart attack and was taken by air ambulance to Kelowna. I drove mom down here. We spent most of the day with Dad. He had a number of tests today and we will know the results, hopefully by tomorrow. These tests are to find out what kind of damage was done. On Mon. or Tues. he will have another test to see what kind of blockage there is in his heart, from there they will decide what to do. They will most likely fly him to Vancouver, at least that is what they told us. Only half is heart is working, so they need to be very careful. I love my Dad very much, infact he really is the only Dad that I have had. My Dad died when I was 7. I have had Dad Wade in my life for 27 yrs. We have a special relationship, I love him with all my heart!! We spent most of the day with him. Tonight, him and I laughed so much, I was sweating!! We had a great time! Bless Him! I look forward to visiting him tomorrow. Pray for his recovery, he doesn't need to go party with Tim yet!

Blessings to you all!! In His Arms, Esther

Can't Fix it.

I sit here in tears as I think of my 4 beautiful children and how they hurt and miss their Dad. I'm their mother and I wish with all my heart that I could fix this situation.

I think of my little girl and how she was so close to her Dad, sitting by him holding his hand, talking and laughing at his corny comments. Talking about how he would do her wedding and all the things that the future held for them. I would just watch and smile. I wish I could give that back to her, I cry because I can't.

I think of Joel, the baseball and hockey, the jokes and laughs that he shared with his Dad. Now there is silence, I'm sorry for that.

Josiah misses Daddy's Big Hugs! "No one in this world gives them like Daddy." Where are those hugs, he needs them when he is overwhelmed and frustrated. I give hugs but not like Daddy, I miss those hugs too. I'm sorry, he hurts.

Jeremiah, in the teen years, missing Dad's guidance, Dad's funny jokes. I wish that he could have the rest of his years with Dad. The good times and the hard times. Daddy's not coming home and I am so sorry. I wish I could fix it.

I have been able to fix a lot of things but this one thing I can not fix. I just cry and cry and pray each day for the 4 wonderful gifts that Tim left me. I do my best to love them and be there for them. I feel the loss and the pain and wish with all my heart that they didn't have to go through this but we have to. I pray and God comforts and gives us courage to go on.

The YFC banquet was on Sat. and it was so hard. YFC was Tim's very heart beat. I could see it and feel it. Cecile, staff and board members did an awesome job. It was a wonderful banquet, even though I cried through most of it. I missed Tim. He wasn't there and it felt so odd. He's been there for 20yrs. and now? How could he not be there? It is hard to accept that. I try to console myself by remembering that he sees us from heaven.
I know that he was very happy in how the banquet went. Thank you to Everyone that help, Bless You!!

Thank you for your continued love, prayers and support. May God bless you all.

In His Arms, Esther